War Is Hell In The Living Room Too
by metaltron2000
Summary: Kroxigor vs Leman Russ, the vacuum won.
1. Chapter 1

**War Is Hell In The Living Room Too**

**Chapter One**

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Story Inspired By: Mini Hammer By Red Mage Neko

Assorted Paranormal Phenomenon Inspired By The Works Of H.P. Lovecraft

The character Doctor Steel is loosely based on my parents old friend, Doctor Micheal Labrum, who really did push his tendons aside so he could punch through wooden boards without damaging them.

* * *

"Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain" I hummed to myself as I walked home through a non-descript suburban neighborhood, two-inch grass and trimmed down hedges accompanying rows and rows of identical peaked roofs as far as the eye can see.

Up ahead, on an area of raised ground between cookie-cutter houses sat a large, very old house. Four bedrooms, five bathrooms, a huge yard, and a sign nailed to the gate leading into the yard that read:

**Don't Like How Tall My Grass Is? Well TOO FUCKING BAD Because I Am Not A Member OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION And You Have NO POWER OVER ME AND MY FUCKING LAWN**

**(Oh Dear, Did I Just Cuss? AND WHAT ARE **_**YOU **_**GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?)**

In any other City that sign would have gotten me a heavy fine and a stern speech by the local Judge, here, however, the City Council had realized that the sign was merely a symptom of a much larger conflict and attempting to remove the sign or intervene in any other way would only escalate it even further. In my eternal war with PerfecTown© Housing Development (Yes, it's actually named that) I considered that sign to be my finest work yet.

It all started when my parents gave me a house bordering College campus. Apparently my Dad won the lottery right out of college and, at the advice of a friend who Dad says was never seen sober, bought real estate all over the country and put the rest of the money in a savings account, the savings let him retire at the age of 32. He had forgotten about the real estate until he discovered a knee-high pile of property Deeds a few months ago, not exactly what you expect to find while cleaning out your desk.

Since one of the houses was ten minutes walk from the college I had just been accepted into, they decided to give it me…Deed and all.

What my parents _Didn't _know was that a major national corporation by the name of ExellentQuality© Inc. was planning on building a Housing Development in that area, and that my new house was in the exact center of it. Another thing that neither my parents _Nor_ the Corporation knew was that the house was a historical landmark and immune to eminent domain. And since the house was there before the Development, it was technically not a part of the Development and not subject to the Homeowners Association's tyranny.

Now normally his would not have been a problem, aside from the oddity of living in an 80 year old house in he middle of a new Development I didn't foresee any issues.

I hadn't counted on Helen.

Helen Allison, a stereotypical Californian Rich Bitch who had divorced from a Biotech company owner named Rick Deal after he discovered she was having an affair with the local tennis pro. Her husband got the kid's. She had moved down here to work for ExellentQuality© Inc. after her new boyfriend left her for a Supermodel, go figure.

She moved into this development because of how close it was to her workplace and was quickly elected President of the Homeowners Association Board; she is a total control freak and holds a zero-tolerance stance on virtually everything except herself. She goes out every morning with a freaking _ruler_ to measure the grass of all the houses in the neighborhood, and God forbid should anyone have grass above the agreed two inches she will do everything within her power to get you the maximum penalty, she also has the tendency to throw fines around like graffiti at a parade.

You may be wondering how she manages to get away with his crap, but that is easily explained by the fact that the local ExellentQuality© Inc. office is also ten minutes walk away on the opposite side of the Development from the College, because of the short distance, most of the people working at the local office live here, and as a direct consequence, half of the people living here and seven of the ten board members work for her, and have employed the wise strategy of agreeing with her at every opportunity. And because the Board members are fairly high-ranking in the Corporation, if any of the residents who work for the Corporation try to vote any of the those seven board members out of office, they are basically voting against their boss, and since Helen is both the highest-ranking ExellentQuality© Inc. employee in the Development and President of the Homeowners Association she is Queen in all but title

Apparently, by living within "her" Development and not having to obey her rules, I stained her flawless reputation within ExellentQuality© Inc. She has decided that the only way to redeem herself in the eyes of her superiors is to make it her mission to destroy me.

I didn't realize what was going on until a few weeks after I had moved in, mostly because she was too busy resolving the important issue of how the PerfecTown© logo would be spelled to plot anything but minor harassment, but also because I was too busy unpacking to notice. She spent the next three weeks deciding whether the logo would use two T's or just reuse the same T, and whether the beginning of the second word would be capitalized even though the two words were merged, or no capitals, or all caps, when did we decide it was one word anyway? You can see the depth of bureaucracy here is deeper then captain Nemo could ever dive.

Once her schedule had been freed up, she started her campaign of persecution by Decreeing that PerfecTown would become a gated community.

Now I didn't pay too much attention to this until I was told by one of her low-ranking minions that since I was not a member of the Homeowners Association I would not be receiving the gate code.

I had to take the Homeowners Association to Court, which ruled that since I was a resident of the area I would receive the current gate code and all future gate codes just like a "Normal" resident. Of course she started changing the codes three times a week and having "Complications" when it was time to send them to me.

Deciding that I'd had enough of this Bullshit I gave my lawnmower and most of my other yard work tools to my next door neighbor on the condition that he would tell me the codes every time they were changed (She still hasn't figured out how I'm getting them) and just let my lawn grow. As I've said before, she has this thing about lawns, she gets mad about overgrown hedges and the like too, but lawns are her thing, not mowing mine was the biggest "Fuck You" I could send to her without physically say "Fuck You" to her face. Her response was to send a work crew out to mow my lawn and remove everything that didn't conform to the Housing Development rules, that included my fish pond, my vegetable garden, the various weird looking lawn statues I'd set up and the one hundred year old tree in the middle of my front yard. I managed to stop them from taking out the tree and pond by waving an old (And unloaded) Shotgun I'd found in the attic in their faces.

When the Police arrived they were responding to two calls, one from the now Legendary Housing Development guy (Helen had once called the police to report that my overgrown lawn was disturbing the peace) saying that a work crew had gone to the wrong house and was tearing up his lawn, another from some guy with a heavy southern accent and a bad slur saying that the guy they were doing Landscaping for had come out of the house with a shotgun and was screaming at them that he had never called them out.

Eventually the redneck guy (Who was also the only crew member who spoke English) said that they had been called by "That Helen chick" to clean up some guy's lawn. Have you ever seen three Police officers, who just minutes ago were prepared to deal with some crazy guy holding a shotgun, face palming in unison? If I didn't know better, I'd have sworn they practiced.

I sued Helen for the bill from the Landscapers, the price of everything they destroyed, all of the fish and plants in my pond that were killed by pesticides, and the 15$ I paid one of the workers (He came here from some village in south America) to make an herbal paste that his people used on damaged trees and smear it on the single chainsaw wound on the side of it's trunk, he said that the tree may experience a sudden growth spurt, may develop a much deeper root system then normal, and weird fungus's may grow on the trunk, perfectly benign aside from an odd increase in rainfall in the area.

During the next week the tree grew nearly twice as tall as it was before, the root system is now underneath the entire street and partially beneath several other streets, a fungal blob bigger then my head grew where the chainsaw marks were.

Oh yeah, it also rains a Fucking lot.

I called him at his new job (He decided to quite his less-then-minimum-wage job and go work for the local Costco, made general manager in about a month) and he said that the only time his paste had that kind of affect was when he treated a willow tree in a large grave yard, and had lesser reactions from various alleged haunted houses, he said my house must be "Very odd"

I switched from singing to whistling as I walked up the stone path to my front door, I had just received a new strategy game in the mail, according to critics it was insanely hard, good, I usually breeze through any game involving the strategic command of multiple units, no matter how hard it was, I needed something like this to provide a good challenge and I intended to spend the entire weekend testing it out in the Fortress of Geek (AKA my computer room)

"Now wait a minute! This chapter is over three pages long and you still haven't gotten to the point! You promised to have Warhammer and I don't see any! Do you?"

"What the Hell?" I said staring at the man in front of me, he had to be at least 40 years old, overweight, and wearing a T shirt that said "**Maybe if this shirt is witty enough, someone will finally love me"** he had been hiding in a shallow ditch in my yard and apparently decided to jump up and yell random gibberish at me.

"Do I…Know you?"

"I'm a reviewer!"

"Reviewing…what, exactly?"

"You!"

"Okaaaaaaayyyyyyy…"

"Not you personally, I'm reviewing your story"

"What story?"

"The story!"

"What Story?"

"The Story!!!"

"What Story?"

"You know, the story"

"No I don't, please enlighten me"

"You are the main character in a story!"

"Right…"

"And the Author is obviously basing his main character on himself, and since he is, you are an idealized version of the author and I am blaming all faults in the story on _You_."

"Faults?"

"World hunger, poverty, cancer etc"

'Why?"

"Because, until this story ends, the Author is GOD!!!"

"Okay then…"

"He's up there!" he shouted, pointing at the sky "Don't you see him?"

I looked up, nothing but the clouds that had been covering the sky for most of the day and the rain falling from them.

"No, I don't"

"Of course you can't, only reviewers can see him, it's our job to point out any and all minute flaws and endlessly bitch about them!"

"Look, I don't have time for this…"

"Pandas!"

"What?!"

"PANDAS!!!!!"

"What are you talking about?!"

He then pointed to the average amount of hair on my arms and screamed "WEREWOLF!!!" at the top of his lungs.

What happened next was a sight to behold, he turned around and ran down the street waving his flabby arms above his head and screaming at the top of his lungs, for about fifteen feet before he ran straight into a pole.

I waited until he got back up and continued to run and scream down the street before I continued up the path.

I opened the door and managed to duck down just in time to prevent a missile the size of a pencil tip from hitting me in the face.

I looked over my shoulder at the small crater that it had left in my yard and back at the entryway

A small group of Demons and assorted cultists were using a pair of boots I'd left underneath the coat rack as fortifications as they tried to fight off an army of Lizard Men, over by a metal folding chair I put in a corner for no particular reason a bunch of guys dressed up like count Dracula were commanding hordes of shambling Zombies against an army of yellowed Skeletons, various groups of undead who didn't appear to have any clear leader or command structure were scattered across the hall, fighting everything except each other, on the other side of the hallway a group of medieval foot soldiers fought a mob of fantasy-trope Orcs and Goblins for control of several pairs of shoes I'd lined up against the wall, next to my feet two groups of elves were fighting for domination of the doormat.

As incredible as it was to see Knight in shining armor using a pair of socks I'd left by the door as cover against Skeletal archers, I couldn't help but notice that none of the miniature armies had any technology more advanced than a catapult, much less a missile.

Was it a missile? I wondered, It was some kind of object, and it did leave a smoke trail, but it could also be an oil-soaked rock fired out of a catapult, but would it make that big of a crater?

My questions were answered when two more of the high-speed Fuckers zoomed into the hallway and past my head, I heard more explosions as two more craters were added to my yard.

I looked at the second door that separated the entryway from the living room, I had it propped open with a shoe because I had lost it's key (Different key from the one that opens my front door) and it looked like the missile had flown out through the crack.

I crossed my fingers and hoped that the there was no missile damage to the other side of the door.

As I neared the door I noticed a Squad of soldiers in some kind of camouflage armor, (they were almost invisible) standing in the doorway on the in front of the shoe, and they were jumping, ducking, rolling, and generally acting like the elephant and/or celebrity from those annoying internet games where you try to click it while it's bouncing all over the Fucking place.

On the other side of the doorway what looked like a heavily armored bipedal robot was firing three laser cannons at the jumping retards, I noticed that two large cannons mounted on it's shoulders seemed to be slowly reloading themselves. When they fired two more missiles zoomed into the air raced in circles around the JumpTards' like a very weird variation of tag, after three or four loops both missiles shot past me and out the front door, I could hear the sound of gunfire and some kind of heavy machinery coming. I decided to push the door open and see what the Hell was going on in my living room.

* * *

Sorry about cutting it off like this, the chapter was way too long anyway, next chapter will be shorter and will have plenty of Grim/Dark carnage and warfare.


	2. Chapter 2

**W****AR IS HELL IN THE LIVING ROOM TOO**

**Chapter Two**

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**  
**

Chaos, total chaos.

An army of soldiers dressed in black armor and using incredible tanks controlled the floor directly in front of me, I saw that the soldiers were using some type of laser rifle, firing from behind they're awesome tanks while big artillery guns fired from the area that was farthest from the front line, this just happened to be at my feet.

I looked over to the coffee table and saw that more of those cultist guys were fighting soldiers in red, blue, and yellow and black power armor, this time the cultists had guns, tanks, artillery, high-tech armor, and what looked like evil versions of the guys in red armor.

Over by the couch a saw more of the JumpTards fighting sci-fi versions of the Orcs, on the armchair I saw really short guys fighting bipedal rats, over where the living room met the kitchen some more of the two elf factions that were fighting by the doormat, again, using much more advanced weapons.

I felt an odd thumping sensation at my feet; I looked down and saw that the Fantasy-Orcs were trying to hack my boots up (Thank god for heavy-duty work boots) I also saw that my boots were covered in arrows, javelins, spears, and several Goblins hanging on for dear life, I decided I'd had enough of this.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY LIVING ROOM!?"

The response was instant, gunfire ceased immediately and the soldiers stared up at me, slack-jawed.

"Who the Hell are you people?!"

Silence.

"AWNSER ME!"

A single soldier stepped out of the ranks "Sergeant Senvor Devon, Imperial Guard, 831st Danneran regiment"

"Thank you, that answers _All_ of my questions"

He just glared at me.

Just then I heard more gunfire coming from the hallway, I walked over and saw scattered soldiers from all of the high-tech armies running into the living room, thankfully they didn't seem very interested in fighting each other, in fact, they didn't seem interested in anything but getting the Hell away from the hallway.

"Necrons sir, millions of em!''

"How many millions soldier?"

"What the Fuck are Necrons?"

One of the Imperial Guard commanders looked up at me; "What planet is this where giants walk and Necrons are unknown?"

I was about to ask him what the Hell he was talking about when hundreds, maybe thousands of black, skeletal robots with massive arm-cannons marched into the living room.

"Hey! Stop!" the silent robots ignored me and continued marching towards the other races and me.

I watched as they easily gunned down anything that couldn't get away in time, one that didn't have an arm cannon and was wearing what looked disturbingly like blood-soaked sheets of human skin ripped an Imperial Guardsman to shreds (Literally) and soaked itself in his blood, more of them staggered out from the main force so they could kill stragglers before the arm-cannons of the other robots vaporized them, one that was wearing skin that looked dried up and old stopped in front of one of the less-mutilated dead Guardsman and started cutting precise squares of flesh from his body and using them to replace his worn-out wrappings.

I turned to the other armies and said "What are you waiting for?! Kill them! KILL THEM ALL!"

The Imperial guardsman, the soldiers in the weird armor, and inch-high chicks in full battle armor took this as permission to resume attacking the other armies, who retaliated, I looked at them in shock for a moment before I yelled "NOT THEM! THE FUCKING ROBOTS!" they stopped and looked at me again I pointed at the creatures (I was suddenly sure they weren't truly robots, something about them just didn't seem quite right) who had finished off the stragglers and were advancing in perfect formation towards us, completely silent too, Shit that was creepy.

They all turned around and started firing at the Necrons, but it looked like they were outnumbered at least two to one. Not counting sixteen miniature floating pyramids and one larger pyramid roughly the size of a lawn mower.

Even though the armies seemed to be holding their own, the robotic warriors seemed nigh unstoppable, Resistance Is Futile.

When the battle looked the most hopeless, when battlefield moral became next to extinct, I felt sudden inspiration, as if the God's had decided to make this very day a Universal holiday known as "Jonathans Day" because of something I was about to do.

Sitting on my kitchen table was a weed wacker; the one piece of lawn equipment I had not given to jerry (My neighbor) when I declared war on PerfecTown©, this is because I had made it a pet project of mine to turn the thing into a perfect killing machine.

You see, I have many hobbies, keeping exotic insects, lizards, amphibians, and tropical fish as pets (Piranhas? Damn straight!) Robotics, messing around with erector sets, legos, Lincoln logs, K'nex, and other assorted building sets, and modding Dwarf Fortress are just a few of them, my most unusual, by far, is my mission to weaponize random everyday objects.

It is because of this hobby that I have a toaster that can incinerate bulletproof armor at thirty yards, a microwave that can incapacitate an entire S.W.A.T. team (Theoretically), a wrench that has had multiple nails welded to and been welded to the end of a chain that is bolted to the severed handle of a wooden baseball bat (Garage Mace) and of course, my weed wacker, I am the Norse God of Macgyver-weaponry.

Anyway, I knew that this Weed Wacker was more then capable of cutting through thin metal pipe in a matter of seconds; I guessed it would make short work of the robo-Skeletors.

I took it off the table and pressed the On switch, I felt the handle vibrate slightly as the deadly blades whirred to life and I approached the front line.

The Skeletal Constructs were remarkably durable, but they were not invincible, soon I had cleared all of the Necrons within three feet of the human/alien/whatever front line, I held it just long enough for the Minis to get their front more organized, then I fell back, the front line, relying on the firepower of the assorted armies to keep the Necrons from putting a smoking green hole in my head, I used the weed wacker to shave the weapons off of all the floating pyramids within reach, putting out of commission both the Necrons best weapons and the only weapons capable of killing me with one shot, the Necron numbers began to thin and for a few minutes it looked like we might actually win.

But then the big pyramid and the remaining small pyramids started moving towards the battle-line, all of the disabled pyramids landed on the ground and opened up, hundreds more of the arm-cannon wielding Necrons poured out to reinforce their lines, Fuck.

I realized that neutralizing the big pyramid was essential to victory, it was the Necrons big weapon, that thing could have destroyed all of the armies before it all by itself; it had to be dealt with.

So I kicked it.

Now let me tell you a little about myself, physically, Barefoot and with a shaved head I stand at 6'8, my physical build is described by my teachers as "Athletic", everyone else just uses the phrase "Built like a Brick Shithouse" some of them have been caught muttering "His head looks like someone left a Chia pet on top of a fridge" but by far the sport I'm best at is Track, I probably have the most muscular legs in school, when I kick something with everything I have, it breaks, No Exceptions.

That thing flew across the room so fast it looked like one blurred line stretching over my coffee table, for a split second I wondered if it was using the momentum from my kick to jump into Hyperspace or something, but when I saw it ricochet off a wall I knew it was completely uncontrolled.

It bounced off of several more walls before it crashed into one of the smaller pyramids, from there it bounced off the floor and flew straight into the large metal pole I had in the middle of the living room for no reason whatsoever (Okay, I lied, I put it there to see the WTF looks on peoples faces when they walk in) from there it bounced into the hallway, it hit the wall on the way in, cleanly shaving off one of corner-lasers, the power core or battery or connector or whatever that was supplying power to it (The Laser) exploded, giving it an extra boost, it then ricocheted off the walls, ceiling, and floor like an insane game of pinball before it hit the ceiling, turned upside down, and plummeted to the floor, it bounced up and hit the wall again, flipping it right side up, it drifted across the hallway and bumped into another wall, when it floated back to the middle of the hallway the main beam powered up for a split second, some little bastard trying one last shot at me, the green beam missed my head by a few inches and put a hole the size of my fist through the wall, thankfully it looked like that shot overloaded the beam, because a few seconds later the top of the pyramid exploded in a shower of green sparks.

Apparently that explosion started a chain reaction, every single weapon overloaded and blew up, then things _Inside_ the pyramid started to explode as well, eventually the anti-gravity equipment exploded, a few seconds later something Big in the very center of it went "Boom" nearly splitting it in half, after that all it did was drift along a tenth of an inch off the ground shooting green sparks. The whole thing took about ten seconds.

I heard the noise of battle behind me suddenly get a lot Fucking louder, the Necron line was being pushed back right quick, one Imperial Guardsman who I had seen hiding behind one of the Guards biggest tanks, rocking back and forth and crying, was now repeatedly hitting one of the clawed Necrons in the face with his rifle, it slashed his face up the moment he stopped, but still, _Fuck._

I smashed the clawed Necron under my heel before I turned around and Stomped on one of the "Disabled" pyramids with my full weight, then kicked it across the room, I didn't have time to watch it fly this time, I had Shit to do.

Soon I had disabled almost all of the pyramids, (I heard one of the Guardsmen calling them "Monoliths", while shooting one) Stomp, Kick, Stomp, Kick, it had a sort of odd rhythm to it, strangely relaxing, the whole time I made sure that my Weed Wacker racked up maximum Necron casualties while I was stepping on their flying fortresses.

When the Necrons started to retreat I saw an especially large one, with no claws or other weapons, wearing a cape and carrying a staff and a green globe, it waved the staff and a green beam shot out and cut through my boots, thankfully they were steel-toed, otherwise that would have taken off my toe instead of a chunk of my toenail and the skin under it. I carefully lowered the Weed Wacker onto him to ensure that his remains would be reduced to scrap metal.

I encountered a lot more of those, as well as smaller versions of them with yellow stripes and Super-Heavy arm-cannons, I heard one of the armored chicks call them "Thanes", there were also a couple of different types of flying ones, and tiny beetle-robots, I really wasn't paying much attention at this point.

Eventually they retreated into the hallway, that's when I met the Boss, some kind of super-cape-bot surrounded by a phalanx of cape guys and thanes, they all raised their arms and assorted weapons into the air and waved them around, there was a bright flash of green light and suddenly a mummy wrapped in bandages of elastic metal appeared, It was wearing a mask over It's face, the attention to detail on the features was extreme, suddenly nothing made sense, everything that had seemed so simple a few moments ago was now extremely complex, all of my initial questions returned with dozens more on the way, the longer I looked at it, the more confusing everything seemed.

Suddenly everything became crystal clear, for just one second my mind was clear.

"Fuck this"

I reached forward and grabbed It, It was about the size of a football but much, much heavier, I ran over to the nearest Monolith and slammed It down on the top, then I jumped as far into the air as I could and smashed down into It with my full body weight.

It was impaled on the top of the now-wrecked Monolith; the room was rapidly filling with blinding green light, I gave the Monolith a good kick, right to the center of the Necron army, it slammed into another Monolith and exploded.

The explosion was mostly focused in tight up-down beam because of the direction of the damage to the Metal-Mummy, in my house there's about a foot of padding between the carpet and the hardwood flooring underneath, this thing burned a hole about 6" across straight through the floor and ceiling, it also evenly singed all of the carpet within a ten foot radius, with most of their force destroyed along with their leadership and only three (Badly) damaged Monoliths they retreated, I finished puréeing the Necron leadership and joined the Mini's in chasing them.

I was glad when we finally done with the Monoliths, even though the other armies had been keeping the worst of the Necron firepower off me, the side of my boots were nearly disintegrated, by the time we drove them into the hallway the Guardsmen were acting almost exactly the way the big armored dudes (I think they were called Space Marines) had been earlier, screaming 'FOR THE EMPRAH!" as loud as they could, showing a sudden lack of self-preservation instinct, etc, the Space Marines had gone completely nuts, one group in particular went totally ApeShit and had lost all ties to reality as we know it, they were wearing gunmetal gray armor with a bluish tinge, some of them were wearing wolf skin cloaks, they had degenerated into a mob of close-combat and feral howls, I could swear I saw…Wolves, running through their ranks, Fucking Weird.

They retreated down the hall to the laundry chute; it had been out of use for years, the doors had actually been covered over by drywall before I had moved here, I rented one of those cameras at the end of a long hose that are used by archeological teams to see where the chute ended, the doors at the end were big, ugly, bulky metal things, with a lock on it, oddly enough, it could only be unlocked from the other side, just like the doors at my end, I figured out which wall in the laundry room was a covered-up laundry chute by having a friend who was visiting from out of state at the time bang the camera back and forth in the chute while listened for banging noises coming from the walls, after I found it I heard more banging noises coming from the opposite wall, these sounded like some kind of wild animal, my friend called me on the walky-talky right after they stopped saying that he'd spotted claw marks on the inside of the chute, when I got up there he was tug of warring over the camera with an unseen force deeper in the chute, when we finally pulled it out it was covered in chew marks and slime, my friend and I locked up the door and left it shut, he left three days early and has since thrown together excuses every time I invite him over, I can't say I blame him.

The Necrons had their backs up against the chute and were laying down heavy suppressive fire, it looked like they were using piles of bodies as barricades, they were being lead by their last Cape-Dude, and a group of Thanes, it looked like breaking their defense line would take a while, especially if they started to make walls out of the dead, I suddenly had a bright idea and charged forward unlocked the chute door, threw it open, and fell back, when I charged forward the armies charged too, but they didn't pull back, the Necrons quickly retreated into the newly opened passage without a second thought, just as planned.

Some of the Imperial Guard stared to go after them, but I put my hand in the way.

I turned to the leader of the Grey-Blue Marines "Do you have any explosives?"

He looked up at me and snarled, for a split second I could swear I saw a mouthful of razor sharp teeth underneath his beard "We have plenty of explosives! We are the Astartes Space Wolves! We have enough explosives to level a Mountain, now get out of the way, the damn Necrons are escaping!"

I looked down the laundry chute at the retreating Necrons "They aren't going anywhere, it's a dead end, there's a locked metal gate blocking their exit and even if they get that open someone built a wall on the other side to conceal it, the gate is just out of view behind that bend, no side passages or rooms, just a cramped passage with one functioning exit, they're trapped"

He climbed up the series of makeshift ladders the Imperial Guard had put up on the bookshelf in front of the chute and peered inside, he watched the last of the Necron defensive line disappear at the "Point Of No Return", the nickname my friend gave to the point near the bottom where the chute turns, going towards my laundry room at a much less steep angle, the ceiling at that point hid the rest of the chute, the chute after that point was comparable to a wheelchair ramp while the area before it was more like a skateboard ramp, he looked up at me and said "Great! Lets get them!" I sighed and put my head in my hands "No, they're cornered and in a tight space, probably setting up barricades out of their own dead as we speak, besides, they have the tactical advantage, if we just pour armed grenades down the chute we can blow them apart"

He nodded and ran off, shouting orders, within minutes hundreds of thousands of tiny grenades were being primed and thrown, after about ten minutes they sent a scouting party down, nothing, just scattered limbs and marks on the door where they were trying to cut through.

I went back to the living room and sat down on the couch, I could hear the fighting in the entryway clearly, the stumpy refrigerator was still trying to shoot down the JumpTards and the Fantasy-cultists had been nearly exterminated, I put my head in my hands as the leaders of all the high-tech factions gathered on my coffee table, this was going to be a long day…


End file.
